By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Is my mom toxic or am I overreacting? This is a question many of us dare not utter, yet it burns fiercely in our hearts. You can decide later if you want to send the letter or just keep it as a personal therapeutic exercise. 5 8 comments Add a Comment [deleted] 2 yr. ago She's toxic. 1. All rights reserved. I was living with then boyfriend now my ex. Can't even pick one specific part, the insults, the homophobia, the racism, the threats, being unsupportive, ALL OF IT screams toxic. Its okay to distance yourself when these boundaries are breached to protect your emotional well-being. She started hitting me again and threw the coffee table onto me while I was laying on the ground in the glass.. she literally ripped my laptop apart and smashed it.. she wouldnt leave so I called my then boyfriends mom to come pick me him and my sister up (this was all infront of my sister who just turned 12 I think). October 8, 2021 by Hanan Parvez While any family member can be toxic, parental toxicity is the most prevalent and damaging to an individual. Privacy Policy. Is my mom toxic or am I overreacting? : r/toxicparents - Reddit And honestly Im exhausted. And it doesnt come as a surprise. Is it possible that I'm making this up? Privacy Policy. Life isnt about surviving each day, going through the motions. But if the process gets too overwhelming for you and you need the support of an expert, Bonobologys panel of counselors is here to help you. Underlying issues are likely behind your mom's behavior, and getting to the root of them is a key first step toward improving the relationship. So, go for it and do what you love. You might not be able to change the past, but you can control your response to it. For the person being manipulated, it is also one of the hardest things to recognize and break free from. These boundaries serve as a protective shield, safeguarding your emotional health, personal space, and autonomy. Given the depth and complexity of your emotions, seeking professional help can be an invaluable step. Im not sure if my mom is toxic or not and I really dont want to say shes toxic if she isnt. Is my mom toxic or am I overreacting? They yell at me to stop "hating the dog, if we try harder he'll be good". "Toxic moms will use sarcasm in order to demean you in an indirect, more socially-acceptable way," she says. Recognizing that she, too, is human and prone to mistakes could help soften your resentment and open pathways to compassion. Every time you try to convey your sadness, anger, or frustration, she brushes it off, trivializing your experiences. All rights reserved. Poor Boundaries A lack of healthy boundaries is a sure sign of a toxic relationship. Its a sentiment we rarely speak out loud, laden with guilt, anger, and an underlying yearning for change. Cultivating empathy for your mom can provide a fresh perspective and foster understanding. Have you, in your relationship with your mother, been frequently made to feel guilty, unworthy, ashamed, or frustrated? Beneath the surface of this visceral aversion lies a profound wish for a different reality. My dad told me that all I do is find ways to be triggered because I just want to hurt them. I've always had such a weird relationship with my mom. Life is about living and experiencing all that it has to offer the good and the bad. Such deep-rooted traumas can cause hatred towards your mother, an intense aversion that might seem impossible to overcome. 10 Subtle Abandonment Issues In Relationships And 5 Tips To Cope With Them, Trust Issues 10 Signs You Find It Difficult To Trust Anyone. You do this all the time". Your boundaries will be infringed upon and glossed over; 4. She told me we should go our separate ways, a bunch of other stuff. Privacy Policy. Overreacting: 8 Ways To Know If You Are + How To Stop - A Conscious Rethink "Yes you have. Forgiveness is primarily for you; its about giving yourself the gift of peace. So the question is, based on this list, is my mom toxic? I had a mental breakdown when I moved to this city a few years ago and was diagnosed with severe anxiety and panic disorder, OCD, depression, list goes on. Every judgmental comment acts as a reminder of your perceived shortcomings, potentially causing animosity towards your mom for the continuous negative feedback. They delineate where you end and where your mom begins, giving you the right to control what youre comfortable with and what youre not. Like I'm the toxic one to my parents, and I should have just tried a little harder, I should have made their live easier. They dont necessarily label your mom as toxic but might signal a need for improved communication or conflict resolution skills. You may feel trapped giving in to their demands, even though they are too much for you. Yet whenever he tried to talk about it to his mother, she just mocked and belittled him. My mom has been single basically my whole life.. she was married to my dad up until I was 6. Heres what shes done so far for least to greatest: She constantly yells about everything (not really bad some moms just yell), she insults my sister about her body weight, said my sisters relationship probably wouldnt last (we werent even talking about their relationship and the guy is really nice), Yelled at me over the phone for being gay and when I started crying she told me she was kidding, she has made many homophobic remarks too, shes very racist and she will admit that (shes even racist to her own race) she is also sexist, she yelled at me when I was having a panic attack and kept telling me to go to bed I have work in the morning Trigger warning for the next one for sexual assault, For background: I went to a counselor told her about it she was super helpful. But it might not be immediately clear if your mom is toxic or if you're going through a hard time in your relationship. It might be difficult to admit, but understanding that its okay to feel hatred toward your mom can be liberating. But when a person has been raised by a toxic mother, that hurt runs the deepest. - Quora Something went wrong. Your best friend, your lover, your siblings, they are all people you love and trust. Lets admit it manipulation is very commonplace. Does it seem like I'm the problem? If a tragedy occurs, it's normal to feel anxious, sad, or scared. What are the traits of a toxic parent? Mediation can provide a safe space for airing grievances, and with the mediators guidance, you may find paths toward reconciliation that you hadnt previously considered. The common misconception is, emotions give rise to thought when the reverse is actually true, explains Dr. Bhonsle, A toxic mother is never going to admit that her thoughts are a reflection of her unmet expectations or that its her perceptions that are coloring her way of thinking.. A recurring theme of neglect could be at the root of your animosity. Take Our Free Toxic Parent Quiz And Discover Your Parent's Toxicity Score Now. Healing emotional wounds and improving strained relationships is not a swift process. Its very important to remember not to be so hard on ourselves. You might be forced to wonder if you have a narcissistic mother jealous of daughter, and unable to let her have a good time. How toxic parents affect your life? - Coalition Brewing Ideally, you should look forward to spending time with your mom, either in person or by talking on the phone. The aim of recognizing signs of a toxic mom is not to demonize her, but to help you. Disrespect of personal boundaries. 13 Ways To Recover When Your Grown Child Breaks Your Heart, 15 Traits Aquarian Men Find Irresistible in Women + Some That Turn Him Off, Decode His Heart with These 15 Signs a Scorpio Man is Smitten with You, 9 Situations Where You Should Compromise in a Relationship to Find Middle Ground, Taurus and Gemini in Love: Assessing Compatibility Between Earth and Air, 9 Weakness of Sociopaths and How to Use Their Weakness for Your Mental Health and Safety, The Dry Spell Dilemma: How Long is Too Long Without Sex in a Relationship. Of course, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't attempt to repair the relationship. One is never too old to grow. She tries to control your life while showing no control over her emotions when it comes to you. If, for example, you find yourself fighting with your mom about one specific incident, that probably doesn't indicate that she's toxic. I love my mom very much but some of her behaviors seem toxic or maybe it's just me . your mom is absolutely, positively toxic. Her mood switches extremely quickly, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. You fear manipulation . Scan this QR code to download the app now. The situation can become toxic if you're regularly expected to take on a caretaker role, instead of having it be a one-time thing. If you are curious and like to learn new things, then go for it. Now my mother got a text from the school about it and she started yelling at me and told me to tell her what happened immediately. (Update: I should mention that i pay for my tuition and now residence with scholarships and my own money, my parents don't pay a dime). On the other hand, the partner is perfectly satisfied with someone else taking care of all their needs. Therapists and counselors are trained to help you navigate these intense emotions. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. She will try to manipulate you to get her way, 8 Signs You Were Raised By A Toxic Mother, 1. Every time you try to convey your sadness, anger, or frustration, she brushes it off, trivializing your experiences. Is my mom being toxic or am i just overreacting ? Reddit, Inc. 2023. I woke up around midnight bc my son woke up and was scrolling on fb and saw her profile but it said I had to add her as friend so since she unblocked me on fb I figured she unblocked my number too so I sent her a screenshot of her profile and how it said add friend and basically she denied it? Prioritize activities that improve your mental, physical, and emotional health. It is important to recognize that toxic behavior can come in many different forms, and it is often difficult to determine whether someone is truly toxic or if we are overreacting. Experts Healing Tip: For a person who has lacked certain elements of a healthy relationship due to a toxic mother, it is normal to seek those elements in their romantic relationships. On the other hand, if something wonderful occurs, it's normal to feel joyful. Right before my grandmom passed, we went out to dinner for my sisters birthday. Sometimes things are smaller than what you think or that you make it look to be, and you simply have to learn to stop, relax, and get your senses together. Or screaming about me accidentally leaving the cats in my room before I leave for work . Its a relentless cycle: every time she disregards your needs, the rift between you widens, and your resentment grows stronger. I got upset and said "mom, I called off work for a week because I had pneumonia. This went on for a bit. She's done the following: Yells at me knowing that being yelled at is a trigger and says she's not yelling nor lecturing me, but she pretty much is, Doesn't respect my decision to have kids and tells me I should give her grandkids, Guilt trips me after I give an answer she doesn't like, Asks me if I want to do something, I say no, and then makes me do it anyway, Tells me how I should do my job even though I'm still learning my job and she has her own job and claims she's just keeping me from losing my job, Says I'm just lazy despite working 2 jobs and wanting to relax on my day off, Invalidated the fact that I'm asexual and even accused of my friends influencing me of being ace; even said she can't expect me to agree with everything I believe in (I mean ik but it's my sexuality), Would brush off/invalidate bad things that's happened to me in the past (ex: my abusive relationship, being bullied, etc) and say it's over and how I should be over it and move on, One time accused me of using my mental disorders (anxiety, depression, autism, and ADHD) as an excuse not to get things done, I would cry as she lectures me and she continues to lecture me despite me visibly upset; then proceeds later apologizing, hugging me, and saying she loves me, Acts like lecturing and yelling at me didn't happen and just acts normal while I have to pretend to be normal, My brother is an asshole and would say offensive and mean things to me and she would say nothing but the second I argue back or defend myself, I'm the one who gets told I should ignore him and to stop it instead of telling him to stop, Tells me that I need to lose weight and making me feel more self conscious (ik I need to lose weight, but still), Tells me to get off my phone when I'm basically not being talked to/looked at at family gatherings, but the moment I put it away, it goes back to people just not speaking/looking at me, When I lock my phone/iPad off while she just happens to walk in the room I'm in, she instantly asks what I was doing on my phone/iPad as if I'm doing anything horrible (I just feel I'm gonna be judged), When I was in school, if I didn't get As and Bs in school rather it's marking period grades, tests, hw, etc, no matter how hard I try, I get lectured or told I should've tried harder. They go with the flow, never feeling passionately about anything.. These reactions are a normal part of human emotions and relationships, especially those as complicated as the one between a mother and an adult child. When me and my ex broke up maybe a year after that i had no where to go. Related Reading: 13 Signs Of A Controlling Woman No#3 Will Surprise You! I just really need to vent, this may be really long so thank you to whoever decides to take the time to read it all!
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